Arcaeus

When it comes to Barn Owls, there is one species that has perplexed scientists and casual owl fuckers alike for ages....that species is the Arcaeus. These elusive creatures have bizarre tendencies that are not typical of your average barn owl. They have a tendency to disappear for long periods of time, only to reappear several months later and act like everything's all cool again. They're abrasive and rash - calling people pathetic wastes of life, etc. Legend has it that one of these owls posted a gigantic picture of a cock on an internet forum once. The owl then flew off into the night, never to be seen again.

Arcaeus owls enjoy alternative hip hop music, Jeff Buckley, roleplaying as teenage girls with mental instabilities on World of Warcraft for 12 hours straight, and posting top 100 album lists on Facebook, as if anybody gives a fuck. Of particular note is the musician Daniel Gildenlöw. Arcaeus owls flock to Daniel Gildenlöw, pecking at his penis in fervent adoration. If you express dislike of Daniel Gildenlöw, you are a pathetic waste of life, as noted above.

Some have theorizied that Arcaeus owls are actually humans in disguise. These claims are, at present, unfounded and without merit. Absolutely no credible evidence has been brought forth to suggest that these owls are actually people.

Their diet consists of the souls of people who dare make a Jeff Buckley drowning joke. When not roleplaying on WoW, they spend their time reading A Song Of Ice and Fire and annoying the hell out of the other owls, telling them "dude, you have to read this. It's the best series ever."

They live primarily in the state of California even though they hate it there. Which doesn't make any fucking sense, because they could just fly away, right? I dunno. This has gone on too long. The point is, Arcaeus owls are badass. Don't fuck with them.

Not to be confused with Arceus, God of all Pokemon.